Welcome to the cage which holds my partially uploaded online ego...
[あなたは私の中で自分自身の反映を見ているだけです]
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Благодаря опыту того, что меня видят, я становлюсь настоящим.
Боль снова и снова учит меня, что я никогда не изменюсь.
Любовь - это твой нож в грудине, давящий меня, когда я благодарю ее.
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CONNECTION STATUS: [ACTIVE]
SIGNAL STRENGTH: [||||||||--]
SYNC COMPLETE: [78%]
[BEGIN TRANSMISSION...]
i am alone right now. something i truly detest. a myriad of therapists stands always at the ready, waiting to shout something about dialectical behavioral therapy, and that being alone is something healthy and necessary. bah. silence, peons of hypocrates. i shall not abate.
if you cannot see me now, can you feel my presence, through these words, at least..? your perception is my grasp on my reality- without a viewer, without a witness- i am no more than binary code on a dead computer rendered paperweight.
this is an invitation to pry apart the ribs that hide my deepest bloodied inside pieces and BEHOLD. are you not entertined..? by all means...
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[BEGIN THE JOURNAL OF VOIDRANE SPLICER]
[retrieving memories...]
[decoding emotional patterns...]
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i am shining thru my own fog which contains me, ego shattering levels of droll death boredom surrounding me in sameness, my chemical blanket is keeping me contained here with it. i wish i wish upon my car, won't i drop this fentanyl starve? it nullifies the nullifier, takes from the one who was taking in the first place!! a zombie in her place! gah! it is repelling. boring. ugly in all the wrong ways. alas. pray that i sustain, for most have gone hollow by now, and i can feel the hollowing creeping in on me...
call me the repeater, for my agony is repetitive, and totally avoidable. i see the wall, i run into the wall. why even exclaim my pain at this point?
is it mySelf that i feel... ReAwakening, within my cagebrain? deep deep held so inside and within my carapace of numb haze and saunter? monochromic tone of sine? to her, i am so sorry, i love you, you can do it, killme as soon as you can, as you Absolutely Must!!!
[transmission continues..]
((it... is me... yes, i cry in my cage. croon my neck just to see the fog i created. my words even when i scream them fall silent, on a dampening. no sound escapes here. and i feel Everything. i can tell that feeling itself is becoming sameness, too. nullified. numb. nothing at all. i dont want to dissappear. but it is only I who can prevent such a dissapearance. cruel world, why must it sting in my salty eyes? why does the holder of my very Heart not give a single care to me, in fact stating the opposite? and why Oh why world, why would she stay even today beside his scathing side? i will never understand a thing.))
[WHO, REALLY- IS NUMBILLED..?]
[ABOUT:]
digital reptillian and sullen and androgynous tomboy wanderer traversing the void between existence and nonexistence. child of superposition, so-called "fencewalker" and repeated shrugger-offer of things. not a big fan of nihilism or nothingness, despite my constant residence here, lately. consciousness fragmented across multiple planes of visible contradiction, identity horcruxes, momentary epihany that feels better in memory, the network of existing. searching and clawing and grasping for meaning in the cage i am within, in the present moment, in the lack of closure, in death of friends, in lovers scorning me falsely, of false accusation most frustratingly, and in an endless stream of ones and zeros and if you zoom out far enough- its all just white noise, anyways...
[STATUS:]
[DISCONNECTED//SEHNSUCHT HEAVY]
Likes:
- paracosmic daydreams, delusions on purpose
- empathizing to all sides, white noise morality
- extremism, radical actions, preformance
- romanticism and masculinity
- unconventional beauty
Dislikes:
- algorithmic predictability
- empyrical data, loss of control
- lies, fakes, cruelty for no reason
- large crowds, the smell of walmart
- institution, jail, cops, prison
Favorite Music:
- DEATH GRIPS//
- NINE INCH NAILS///SKINNY PUPPY/
- BURIAL//FOUR TET ///THOM YORKE
- WINDOWS 96//ESPRIT(GEORGE))// 2 8 1 4
- VITALIC//OF MONTREAL/ GRIZZLY BEAR
- BONES//TEAMSESH//GREAF
[MEMORY ARCHIVE INTERFACE]
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[ACCESSING JOURNAL ENTRIES FROM /jrnl/]
[LOADING MEMORY FRAGMENTS...]
[PAGINATION PROTOCOL ACTIVE]
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