greetings, once again...

hello hello again, if anyone actually is receiving these transmissions... thank you very much for reading my sporadic outbursts of angst and loathing, it really does mean a lot to me, should these oiutbursts not fall totally on deaf or unpresent ears. gosh. i wonder....

alas, i ramble on. this past week was unusual. i will go ahead and warn you that what i am about to speak of it rather, erm, traumatizing, or triggering i suppose. you have been warned.

a week ago, xenotrek, in a fit of rage, and for no real reason at all, decided to beat me up and then throw me down into a puddle of mud and motor oil, all while 5 other humans watched. deplorable. he then left me there, withering, and did not return. i walked to a corner and cried. they wanted to call the police, i begged them not to. luckily, he was at this particular location to sell some contraband to a certain couple of friends, and good friends they are. they took me in. i have stayed with them in this hovel, this rundown hotel in which they renovate and tear down these rooms in exchange for a place to live, them and their 15 year old daughter. a lovely family, truly so. bless them all, i havent seen or known such hospitality in... in ages. god. thank you, thank you so much. i wish there was more i could do to express my thanks.... anyways, i am a clown. i am writing this from xenotreks newly acquired hotel room. he needed me to use my id to allow him in. i did. idiot. i wish i had a car. what the fuck. why did i ever trust him with my car. idiot. anyways.... egh. i will find a way out of here, and back to the hospitable place. it is so vastly different, having somewhere else to go and not having to return to xenotrek for literally no reason other than i have no better place to be. i shouldnt have come here tonight. i dont know. i guess i thought he would apologize. he hasnt, not once. acts like nothng happened. used me for the room, and then left me here, its been hours alone now. i hate it. it burns me on the inside. but im more numb to it than ever. im not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. it hurts, all the more. maybe one day soon i can grow a large and bounding pair of gracious wings and fly high into the skies, the heavenes, the firmament, and show all of this love that nobody will take from me. all showering down, like a story. goodnight, moon. thanks for sharing this moment with me.