greetings, once again...

i must admit, the reason for my once again prolonged and drolling absence from noting in this journal here is mainly due to the fact that i have mentally, spiritually, and literally assigned the new value of ~my Real journal and diary~ to none other than voidrane.smol.pub. you can find it on nolove.neocities.org as an embedded iframe, or simply pen it into your url bar, or even visit it via gemini, like this- [gemini://voidrane.smol.pub]. for browsing gemini, i reccomend agregore browser- though im not sure that it is currently supported for arch linux... *sadface*.

anyhow, hello. welcome back to my little stream of negative whining and pseudointellectual debates with my self. logic v emotion. ultimate dumbass extreme. repeater of extremely avoidable and painful awfulness. hopeful idiot, to the point of r*tardation. truly, reprehensable at times. shit, i need to start saying how much i love myself through gritted teeth into my bathroom mirror again, twice daily. #biohacking also #therapyworks? wah. hah.hauhhhh.g..h.. -.-

i suppose that it is indeed worth noting that i happened to finally get out of the whole abusive and self debasement ritual known as my infatuation and advanced method of self harm known as loving xenotrek. god dayummm. it Hurts. anyways i did manage to scrape up what little self respect left in me in an attempt to save it before it gets fully wallered out of my already voided and chasmic hole where my heart should be. what i am refering to is how i lived at alicias house for roughly a week. yes, eventually i fell for it when he decided to act nice and shit, but he still hasnt apologized for the way he has treated/istreating me, and i plan to most likely return to my friends couch within the next few days. which reminds me of a quote that floats around headwise from time to time:

"you're always one argument away from being homeless!"

......-xenotrek

its bad. its cringe. i am 'down bad'. as fuck. the drugs are helping a lot, and also i am doing less drugs. plan to get sober actually, soon enough it shall be so. pray, or something. its gonna kill me and take the crumbs left behind from it and then squish em together into a new me. i'll be a lot cooler, most likely. each time i metaphorically kill my self i come back better. i think. yeah.

few new projects are out. urbindex is now functionable and usable, check it out at urbindex-d69e1.web.app, make an account , join the party... another is hmm... well, voidrane.nekoweb.org is also receiving regular here and there updates. as well as nolove.neocities.org.im about to go add a few fixes to that now. a lot of other software and social apps and sites are in the works. keep an eye out. oh Yeah almsot for Got.... please check out numbpilled.gumroad.com and necrogirl.gumroad.com - i have migrated from ko-fi to gumroad for a myriad of reasons, come along with me and check it out? (sole source of income alert, God Have a Little Mercy on My Life Soon Please.