has it really been months since my last post...? i might have time traveled, unwillingly so... urgh. time. what a drag. i would so like to become a multidimensional machine, swimming thru infinity, generating new mathematical laws and shit just for the hell of it... but then how would i know the meaningful nature of the timebound experience..?? harumph. ive been depressed. its bad. im ignoring the only people who care about me and i cant even articulate why, its like an impulse, a part of me shut down completely to being social/connected in any meaningful manner, why do i do this? i am really wanting to get onto suboxone or perhaps even considering self-inducing w the bernese method, it seems like it has some serious promise. i kinda wanna start livestreaming again. idk. everything i do contradicts itself logically. feelings are bullshit. i wish i never needed love.